So you weren't nice, now what?

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Here I am with my little one!

Recently, I wasn’t so nice.  The experience has reminded me of how every single event in our lives is an opportunity to practice our tools so that we can further develop and evolve.

Six weeks ago, I had a C-section to deliver my first baby (he is long and thin, like both of his parents, and thus was in the breech position).  The entire experience was incredible, and I will share soon how incredibly blessed I have felt.  Now, the days recovering in the hospital afterwards were a bit “tricky”.  We were moved from our room 3 times in 5 days.  Though a C-section is one of the most common operations in the world, it is still major abdominal surgery; the first couple of days of recovery are tough.  It is also non-stop.  The nurses come in to the room almost every 2 hours to either deliver medication, take you and the newborn’s vitals, or do some other activity.  Yes, even throughout the night.  By day 4 I was exhausted, and it was getting harder and harder for me to be nice to people.  I was being short and impatient; blunt with my deliver and sharp with my choices of words.  After one interaction, my husband turned around to me and flat out told me to start being nice and stop being mean.  I felt terrible.

So these things happen in life.  Now what?  There’s actually an incredible gift in these situations.  They are an opportunity to practice the work.  So here’s what to do the next time you find yourself in a similar situation:

1. Acknowledge you weren't nice.  This is an internal acknowledgment.  You have to truly own and belief for yourself that you weren’t nice.  Don't dismiss your actions and/or try to justify them! Truly realize that there were better ways to handle the situation and there are actually people out there that would have handled it in a much better way. 
2. Ask for forgiveness to whatever higher power you believe in.  This is one of the most alleviating things you can do.  Just mentally saying to this higher power “I am sorry for my actions, I wish I had acted differently. Please forgive me” releases you.
3. Brainstorm scenarios as to how you would have done things differently.  The point here is to make sure you learn something from this situation, and don’t end up just shrugging your shoulders and moving on.  Now that is a waste. 
4. Apologize to the other party if you can.  Sometimes it’s not possible (maybe you were mean to an attendant you will probably never see again) but try your hardest to apologize if you can.  You might want to share how you wish you had done things differently (step #3 above), as this could result in a great learning opportunity for all parties). 
5. Start making different choices today.  Whatever the situation was, I am certain it will come up again in a different setting, with different people.  Take your learnings from step #3 and start making different choices TODAY. 
6. Forgive yourself. This is a big one (I wrote about this a while back).  Remember how I said I felt terrible?  Well I have the tendency of beating myself up over these things.  I can spend days (if not much, much longer) feeling terrible, flinching every time I remember the situation.  We have to forgive ourselves.  What does forgiveness mean?  Accepting that we cannot change the past.  Then move on and make different choices, because when you know better you do better.

I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.  If you enjoyed this post, share it with your friends and family!

Lots of love,

Judit

Giving is receiving

There are so many philosophies on the art of giving.  I recently found a beautiful one in ACIM “Today we try to understand the truth that giver and receiver are the same...for giving is receiving…You will need help to make this meaningful because it is so alien to the thoughts to which you are accustomed”.  This is so alien to the thoughts we are accustomed.  Often when the idea of giving is receiving comes up in my workshops, usually when we are speaking of the abundance in the Universe,  someone asks me what to do when they feel like they are always giving yet never receiving anything in return.  I always tell them to turn inward and look at themselves.  Why are they giving to the point of resentment?  Are they really giving, or manipulating a situation so they can get what they want from the other party? Are they giving or are they taking an opportunity to feel good about themselves, which quickly turns into anger if asked for more? Is there a sense of “guilt” in their giving?  Where is this giving coming from? At it’s purest and most authentic for, giving is receiving.  Anything else that does not produce this, is just a game being played out by our ego and fear (more on this here).  Here’s a great clip that came across my desk recently…who is really the one receiving here? :) The video is precious!

When I do not know what to do, I do this

When I do not know what to do in any situation, I get very still and wait.  The answer always comes, because it’s deep inside of me (as it is in you).  I quiet everything enough to hear and feel it. 

Sometimes I have the luxury of time and sometimes I do not.  If I have some time before making a decision I have some anxiety around, this is what I do:

1. Every day I catch myself anxiously ruminating I tell myself: “I do not have to make this decision today”.  That usually takes some pressure off, since in our heads, everything is imminent

2. I stop talking about it with people that can’t help me.   Be careful whose opinion you take (I wish I had known this earlier in life).  Ask yourself: Does this person share my values?  Do they live a life I would want to live? Do they have what I want and respect?  Especially in highly sensitive and anxious situations, make sure you say YES to as many of these questions before speaking about it with anybody

3. I hit my meditation cushion.  I concentrate on my breath and quiet my thoughts (which are probably fearful and anxious).  I connect with my truest purpose and intention by asking myself these questions:

a. What would my dream be? 

b. What would be the decision coming from a place of love instead of fear? See my recent post for more 

c. What would serve the greatest good? Always do what serves the greater good of everyone

4. I talk about it with those closest to me.  And these are 3 people, at most.  It’s my husband, my mom, and maybe one of my dearest friends.  These are my peeps, they’ve got my back.  They are able to put aside their egos and their fears and seek out what is best for me.  No more is necessary

If you don’t have the luxury of time?  Well, here’s the deal.  The more you do the above, the sharper and stronger you become.  When I have to make a decision immediately, I close my eyes, take a breath, and quiet everything within me.  I do a mini meditation, observing my breath, and I ask myself what my dream would be, what would be the decision coming from love, and what serves the greatest good.  And the answer always comes :)