You will not have a natural birth, said my aunt

Photo credit: thebusinessofbeingborn.com

At about 3 months of pregnancy, my husband and I decided to announce our news to our friends and family.  I took an afternoon to make phone calls and was able to connect with one of my aunts over the phone.  As we discussed pregnancy and maternity, she made the following statement: “Well, do not get your hopes up on having a natural birth, because you can’t.  The women in our family aren’t capable of giving birth naturally.  So don’t even think about it.” 

I did not know what to say back.  As I sat there I:  (1) processed the fact that she had just said that (what the…?), (2) tried to figure out what the statement even meant, (3) tried to understand why anyone would say that to someone else (!), and (4) remembered why I keep news such as this to myself for as long as I do!! 

My aunt proceeded to explain how all of the women in our very large family have had to have c-sections when birthing and that it would be pointless for me to consider otherwise (I later found out from my mother that this is actually untrue, there is a small number who have birthed naturally).  I am not sure what was worse, her commanding statement, the fact that she shared it, or the fact that there seemed to be an intent on impeding someone from breaking away from the norm.  On the later, I could write for days on.  How often are those around us threatened when we do something that is different than that which they have done?  And how sad is it when out of their own frustration they attempt to keep us from breaking away? 

Through my aunt’s statement, I have come to discover a competitive c-section vs. natural birth world that I had never heard about.  From there being two camps of thought as to which is safest, to two camps of thought as to which is “best” (even if it’s not safest), to conspiracy theories as to the motives of doctors to do c-sections and midwives to promote natural births.  My head is spinning just writing this all out!  As I have started to do my research, I have come across countless articles addressing these camps.  From a pastor who claims that women who had a c-section “didn’t really give birth”, to a kindergarten application for a public school that asks parents to answer whether the child was born through a C-section or natural birth (click here to see coverage of this from the NYTimes and a video on CNN).  Chatting about the above with a friend, she recommended watching the movie The Business of Being Born which highlights the theory that doctors are motivated (for financial, lifestyle, and other reasons) to push C-sections on patients. 

I can’t help but to take a step back from all of this and wonder how something as incredible and awe inspiring as the experience of birthing can be subjected to such tarnish.  This step back thus leads me to a wonderful insight…I have power over my experience.  I don’t have to give a pastor who is consumed by fear any room in my experience (trust me, I thought twice about even including him in this article).  I don’t have to answer questions I don’t want to answer.  I can take time to figure out the pros and cons of each delivery method and make the best decision for myself.  If an emergency arises and one is done over the other, I can become informed on the actions taken for maternal and newborn health.  I can spend time finding a place that I trust to make the best decision.  And most importantly, I can choose who I allow into my wonderful and special experience over the coming months.  Of what benefit were my aunt’s comments and her delivery of them? I can start building the loving environment I want my child to come into starting right now. 

What are your thoughts on the C-section vs. natural birth debate?  What are your thoughts on those that comment on others decisions? I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.  If you enjoyed this post, share it with your friends and family!

Lots of love,

Judith