I am having a baby boy; do I have a greater responsibility?

I recently met a girlfriend of mine for lunch.  After the waiter had taken our menus and we had placed our meal order, my friend turned to me and asked “Do you feel a greater responsibility because you are having a baby boy?” I stared back.  I hadn’t thought of this.  I asked her: “What do you mean?” “Well up to now it has been a man’s world, and it will continue being a man’s world (for the most part) in the near future”, she answered.  I sat there and stared back.  She was right.

In the U.S., women account for almost half of the workforce, yet make 77 cents for every $1 men make (resulting in less for the everyday needs of their families, less savings over a lifetime of work, among much more).  There is an incredible lack of women in leadership roles across almost all industries, from tech, to finance, to politics.  And I still cannot forget the Saturday afternoon I decided to watch The Invisible War given the recent reports that a woman in the Armed Forces is more likely to be attacked by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire. 

Internationally, there isn’t a lack of examples.  In Yemen, women are only considered “half a person” when giving legal testimony. In Saudi Arabia women can’t vote.  I recently attended an event by IJM, an organization whose mission is to protect the poor from violence, and the speaker gave countless examples of violence against women in Latin America, from widow’s losing their land and home in “property grabbing” once their husbands died, to young girls forced into prostitution.  A recent NYTimes article on religion being used to support the confinement of women and girls in sex slavery has left everyone I known in complete shock.  In many countries, victims of rape can be blamed and legally charged with crimes. 

The above is where we are today, a reflection of where we were yesterday.  My girlfriend, who is also expecting, shared how she and a new-mom friend of hers had discussed how men have been the ones historically setting the rules of the world we live in today, and that unfortunately, men will continue to have a disproportionate level of power for the near future.  Men that will be the grown-up children we are having.  Tim Cook recently stated that he looks at himself in the mirror and asks himself “Am I doing enough?” to improve diversity in tech.  Cook refers to Dr. Martin Luther King’s statement of “the appalling silence of the good people”.  This Ted Talk by educator, author, and filmmaker Jackson Katz asks men to have the courage and the strength to fight for women, given the power that their voice and actions have. Coincidentally in the talk he also quotes MLK “In the end what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  

Thus, over the last few weeks, I kept on going back to my friend’s question that afternoon during lunch.  “If you are having a boy, do you have a greater responsibility to the women and the society of tomorrow?”  As I’ve been thinking of her question, I happened to have lunch with an older friend who has two young girls elementary school. As we discussed parenting, he shared how he tells his daughters to question everything.  He gave examples of questions his daughters have come to him with and how he has provided them with an answer, along with a disclaimer that this is only his answer, and that they must shape their own opinions based on their own beliefs.  Here is a father of two young girls taking responsibility of helping them develop into women that will not allow others to oppress them.  I sat there and thought of the responsibility all parents have to help create beings that evolve the human race.  Yet, at the same time, the hope would be for there to no longer be any systems or structures in place that would attempt to oppress these girls to begin with.   

Enjoying lunch with Leticia Mendoza, host of Al Dia and a great proponent of women and their empowerment.

Thus I’ve altered my friend’s question and instead of seeing it as being of “greater” responsibility, I see it as being of “great" responsibility to be expecting a baby boy.  It will take a collective effort of all parents to raise human beings that will reverse all that has been put in place thus far.  Yet, knowing that it has been a man’s world thus far, my hope is to educate my son to not sit in the sidelines quietly and silently observing the oppression of anyone, whether female or male.  For the near future, the power structure will be in his favor; I hope he is courageous.

What do you think of my friend’s question? Do you think there is a greater responsibility for expecting parents of baby boys?  I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.  If you enjoyed this post, share it with your friends and family!

Lots of love,

Judith