Confront this and you are free

This is part 1 of a multi-part series covering my CTI Leadership experience.

I recently finished a 10 month leadership training and have a lot to share.  So much so, I will need to do so over a few posts!  The program takes place in several locations (Spain, North Carolina, and California), and has the goal of helping leaders have a more powerful, positive, and lasting impact within organizations, professions, family, and community.  I learned a lot, and am excited to share my experience with you all. 

There is a book that chronicles the program called “The Stake: The Making of Leaders” that I read along with my training.  At the beginning of one of the chapters, there is a wonderful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

“…Every time that you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the dammed, once you have met it and lived through it you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before…You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face…The danger lies in refusing to face the fear…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” 

I love this quote.  Eleanor Roosevelt truly calls us forth and challenges us to look at our fears in the face, to meet the situations that we want to avoid head on. Either we do this, or we are forced to run away from them.  There is nothing worse than running your entire life.  Simply because, you can’t.  Eventually you have to stop running and face that which you think you cannot do (e.g. look a particular fear in the face, meet a particular situation exactly as it is, etc.).  Yet, Eleanor Roosevelt helps us see that once we decide to do that, it no longer haunts us.  And whatever haunts us has power over us and controls us.  Just think of a simple fear you may have.  For example, imagine you had a fear of driving.  Your life would be controlled by this.  You wouldn’t be able to attend certain places because you wouldn’t be able to get to them.  The places you would be able to get to would take you two, three times longer get to because you had to walk to them, or you had to take public transportation.  Is that the way you would want to live your life?  This is an extreme example, but we all have something we must face. 

The incredible meditating labyrinth at our retreat center in Sonoma. I walked this in meditation on many days.  

For a long time, I could not fathom someone speaking badly of me.  A lot of it was cultural, as I was raised with the phrase “Que va a decir la gente” (“What will people say”) constantly being told to me by my family.  I internalized it to such an extent, that the idea of someone speaking badly of me and ruining my “reputation” would cause me extreme worry and anxiety.  It would control my actions, I would often only do the things that I thought were “OK” and “correct” to do.  I remember how I would keep myself from living my life the way I truly wanted to live.  It was not until I faced this fear, that I was free.  It was not until I was able to state and believe “Who cares what people say about me!  If I’m OK with who I am, my actions, and what I represent, that is all that matters!” that things began to change.  I not only had to look at this fear in the face, but I had to step up to situations and behave how I wanted to behave, despite the fear of “Que va a decir la gente” (“What will people say”).  And Eleanor Roosevelt was right.  Once I did, I gained a strength, a courage, and a confidence that are indescribable.  I don’t even think about this fear anymore.  The few times that it does come up I am able to quickly dismiss it and say “Let this person talk about me, it says more about them than it does about me!” 

Think about the fears and situations that control you today.  Maybe it’s a fear of being wrong, or the fear of flying.  Whatever it is, I invite you to listen to Eleanor Roosevelt’s words.  Do a little bit at a time, a little bit a day. I promise you that, one day, you will wake up and all will be different. 

Through the past 10 months, the program I was a part of challenged me with countless things I would have rather not met or faced. By doing so, I was able to become empowered and grow.  I am looking forward to sharing more!  I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.  Share with us: What fear would you like to face so that it no longer controls you?

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All the best,

Judith